Family Lecture Series

Family Lecture Series

Our local community education office offers a variety of training and events. The larger cities nearby also host an array of community education opportunities. Though I’ve only participated in a few sessions, I always appreciate the availability of new experiences, whether it’s in arts and crafts, exercise, cooking, computers, or trips. A notice in one brochure invited those in the population to come forward and teach classes. I presented the idea to my husband and daughter.

“What could we teach?” I asked with enthusiasm.

“I can think of a few things I’d like to teach people here in the house,” said my husband.

“Me, too,” chimed the 12 year old.

“Uh oh, “ I said, “I feel lectures approaching.”

“That’s it,” said my husband, “We could do a family lecture series!”

Ah, yes, but would the general population be interested in the speeches we give at our house? Here’s a sample:

See the USA in Your Chevrolet

This lecture title is taken from an old commercial, but it is an address from the husband to the wife about the importance of charting maps and finding directions before departing at 5 a.m. for a business trip. Included is a helpful tip about recharging cell phone batteries the night before. Because this tip is usually offered at 5 a.m., it’s too late.

Arctic Survival: Snow Pants and Boots

Nobody in middle school wears snow pants to school, according to this household exhortation. Even if the wind chill is enough to freeze skin to the bone in 60 seconds, snow pants are only worn on ski slopes and sledding hills, not on middle school buses. Tennis shoes can make it to the bus stop in four-foot drifts; no boots are needed. Tennis shoes dry out really fast at school. Besides, the lockers aren’t big enough to store boots. The 12-year-old instructor will take no questions after this lecture.

Binary Household Mechanics

There is on, there is off. There is opened, there is closed. This ongoing homily, delivered by the husband of the house, lists the benefits of turning off lights and closing doors. It is a short talk, but delivered with alarming repetition. The open/close talk acquires particular passion after the speaker hits his head on an open cabinet door.

Garden Tools Can Be Used by Non-Gardeners

Even though my husband said, “Gardening is your hobby, not mine,” and my daughter said, “It’s sooooooooo boring,” this Little Red Hen lecture reminds household members that all residents benefit from the fruits of the backyard labor. It touches, with much guilt, on the fabulous summer vegetable produce and the gorgeous arrangements of flowers that they so appreciate.

Your Attention, Please

Ironically, this lecture comes from the adolescent. Since both parental units are avid radio and audio book listeners, the adults often tackle the household chores with the help of tiny, bud earphones that appear surgically implanted. The parents proceed to become lost, not only in the task at hand, but in engrossing stories and music. This lecture suggests that not only should they turn off the MP3 players, they should physically remove both of the earphones when speaking with the daughter.

Tupperware Geometry

A girl who can methodically cornrow her hair for 5 hours and a husband who can figure out a complicated land survey cannot match the round storage containers with the round lids in the kitchen cabinet. For the geometrically challenged, this one hour demonstration shows how plastic storage containers are stowed by anyone with an ounce of logic: round nesting in the round, square nesting in the square, rectangular nesting in the rectangular. The matching lids are stacked with the containers. How hard is this?

The Elixir of Life

Nobody drinks enough water around here, except the husband of the house, according to this speech. The child and the wife both need to step up their consumption of this beneficial liquid for general well being, digestion, urinary tract strength, clear skin, lower medical bills, psychological clarity, good karma and world peace.

After reviewing this electrifying list of topics, my husband and daughter agree that the Community Education group may not be ready for our family lecture series.

But we’re determined to keep practicing anyway.

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