Call Me Ms.
©2001
Suzy Wurtz
When I was little,
my parents told me that with education and tenacity I could be anything I wanted
to be. It was a nice thought. But the leaders of the country were men as were
the leaders of most companies. Our heroes of the day, the first astronauts, were
male. The farms were inherited by the sons; the daughters were expected to marry
well. The men were doctors; the women were nurses. The men were lawyers; the
women were legal secretaries. The men were carpenters and engineers; the women
were receptionists and bookkeepers.
By the time I
reached adulthood, a change in gender equality was well underway. Both women
and men took their places in roles and professions that had previously been one
gender only. A striking change in my age group was that women often kept their
original surnames after they were married. This was not bra-burning feminism,
but a statement that marriage is a partnership of two equal human beings. Since
women were no longer owned as property, we had the choice of keeping our own
names.
When my husband
and I were engaged, the subject never came up. At the end of our wedding
ceremony, we were officially presented as “Mr. & Mrs. Paul Glaeser.” After the
applause died down, my husband announced, “Suzy’s keeping her name, so she’s
Suzy Wurtz.” Then he joked, “You can call me Mr. Wurtz.” In reality, the only
people who mistakenly call him Mr. Wurtz are telemarketers, but many people
mistakenly call me Mrs. Wurtz (my mother’s name) or Mrs. Glaeser (my
mother-in-law’s name).
As time marches
on, I do more and more explaining about my name choice. Though my address book
is full of two-name families, it seemed to me the trend was diminishing in the
last decade. I concluded I was the only one who noticed. When Minneapolis Star
Tribune and Boston Globe columnists wrote about it at different times this year,
I joked that they were stealing my material. But the subject was on other minds
as well. As Ellen Goodman of the Globe noted, “I assumed. that a younger
generation of brides would leave the altar with their birth name intact.” It
hasn’t happened as we assumed.
For that 10% of us who do have
a different name than our husband’s, the accepted title in social and business
situations is “Ms.” The title “Ms.” is not a product of the women’s movement of
the 1970’s, but rather a suggestion made in the late 1940’s and early 1950’s by
business writing publications. Over a half-century ago, people suggested that a
woman’s title needn’t reveal her marital status. “Ms.” serves the same function
as “Mr.” does for men. So whether we women use our birth names or our husband’s
surnames, “Ms.” is an appropriate choice. Miss and Mrs. are also appropriate,
but I am continually amazed that folks are puzzled when I introduce myself as
“Ms. Wurtz.”
I occasionally
substitute teach in four of the surrounding school districts. Each time, I put
my name up on the blackboard and ask, “Does anyone know why am I Ms.
Wurtz, not Mrs. Wurtz or Miss Wurtz?”
“You’re not
married?” offers one child.
“You’re divorced!”
exclaims another.
“You kept your
name,” suggests yet another student.
I explain that
they all could be correct because the title “Ms.” is the equivalent of “Mr.” and
marital status doesn’t affect my teaching credentials. Frequently, I go on to
explain that whereas “Mr.” is an abbreviation for “Mister,” “Ms.” isn’t actually
an abbreviation of a word. It’s someone’s idea of a blend of “Miss” and “Mrs.”
Often, I get a
feeling that I may have imparted some new information, that I may have
enlightened a child. Not too long ago, however, after a few minutes discussion
on the “Ms.” subject, I asked a class, “Does anyone have any questions or
comments?”
A boy raised his
hand. “Ya,” he said, seriously squinting at the “Ms. Wurtz” printed on the
blackboard, “I think the ‘Mrs.’ in front of your name is spelled wrong.”
Ages of
enlightenment apparently aren’t built in a day.
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