Family Lecture
Series Revisited
Copyright 2004 by Suzy Wurtz
The local newspapers gave us the fall
preview of community education classes in various towns. Once again,
here are
the entries that my husband, daughter, and I could offer as part of our
community education “Family Lecture Series.” We lecture each other all the
time at home, so why not offer this valuable information to the general public?
How to Refill the Ice Cube Tray
This is a brief demonstration that consists of 2 simple steps. 1) Place the
empty ice cube tray under running water until each section is filled and, 2)
Replace in freezer. As the old Nike commercial suggested, “Just do it!” Since
all parties are occasionally guilty, this lecture is for the general audience.
Parent Chaperones Do Not Include MY Parents
The guest lecturer is the teenager of the house who explains that with a
mother who’s a substitute teacher and father who is on the school board, the
adults of the household have more than enough school exposure. Therefore, both
parents should maintain a low profile when it comes to chaperoning school trips
or dances. To translate into parent language, low profile means, “You are not
allowed to volunteer.”
Remote Control Etiquette
This lecture, delivered by the man of the house, outlines proper positioning
for all remote control devices in the household. The concept is simple: the
remote control should be left exactly where he last placed it. This is a brief,
yet poignant seminar. It is available for repeated presentations.
Shoes Are O.K.
This lecture is a response to the custom of requiring visitors to remove shoes
before entering a house, no matter what the weather. We assume that any adult
is capable of wiping off the mud or snow before he or she enters. This lecture
explains that, for heaven sakes, if your shoes are clean, there is no need to
partially disrobe before stepping into our house. Festive doormats will be
available for sale after the presentation for a small additional fee.
Reading Primer and Debate
The teenager explains that the sign on her door, “Don’t Sneak In. Knock and Wait
For a Response,” applies to everyone in the household, including parents,
guests, and pets. In other words: “Keep out. This means you.” This session
includes a lively debate between the teenager and parents that includes issues
of safety, laundry, friendliness, computer maintenance, conversation,
cleanliness, and investigative research.
Proper Storage of Socks
The guest lecturer is the
mother of the household who reminds all that clean socks should be in a drawer,
and recently used socks have no business lying around the house. Tips include
specific places where dirty socks should never be found. Consequences of
inappropriate behavior and repeat offenses will be discussed in detail.
Snoring Is Allowed Only If It’s Me
This is a joint lecture by all three household members in which each
accuses the other two of snoring that interrupts the sleep of the victim. This
discussion is loaded with mystery, intrigue, and denial. Remedies discussed
include closed doors, earphones, earplugs, nagging, antihistamines, and nasal
surgery.
With this exciting fall line-up, we
invite you to join us. And we’d love to hear about your own Family Lecture
Series. From what we understand, the topics are similar at your house.
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